when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
