dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
