no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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