So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
