So drunk its hurt
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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