the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
