It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
