yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
