Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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