I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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