i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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