he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
