My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
