erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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