My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
