This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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