I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
