P.S. I can't hear my feet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
