So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
