My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
