trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
