All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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