Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dicks are not precious.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
