he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
