he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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