I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
nutella sex= disaster
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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