Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she peed on how many people?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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