so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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