Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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