im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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