But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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