2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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