4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
