we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
