I cockslap morals
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
