He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
