Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
