it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As shirtless as possible
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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