i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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