That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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