Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
