I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
