Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
