No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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