If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
