my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
