Screwed.edu
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im holly from the hills drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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