Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
