can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
50% drunk capacity currently
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
