I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
