We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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