you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
